my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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