no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
