his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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