If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Small penises have feelings too.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
