Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
