you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
