I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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