oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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