Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
