She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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