**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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