Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
This house was built for laser tag.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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