Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
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