Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
