so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
