Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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