he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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