So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
