I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
