He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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