Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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