Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
