SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
