Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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