One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We left an ass print on the piano.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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