it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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