the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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