Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
