Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
