I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I said "one day" and that day is not today
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
