he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
