Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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