i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
