Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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