ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
