Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
