dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you win again, gameday.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
