This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
