First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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