you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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