I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
