So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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