6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
