i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
