i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How does one acquire holy water?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
