im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
