I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My liver just broke up with me...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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