So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
