This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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