i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
