somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just come out here and I will go home with you...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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