I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
