Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
