I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
