even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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