he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
